Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
