Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
