I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Send help, water and tortillas.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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