They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
