FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
