I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had to cum in my sink.
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