I think my vagina is haunted
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
