Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
