Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
