And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
