So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
