I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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