literally had 100 drinks last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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