I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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