i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
