Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
