And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
they need to just BURY HIM!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
