...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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