hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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