all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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