I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
