I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
