Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
