shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
