That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
