What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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