So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
