Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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