did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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