One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
