My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
