Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
