Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
