Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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