this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
