Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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