Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
