a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
birth control should be required to get into college
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
