y did u give ur computer a hand job?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
