seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
