so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
