two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
