Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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