Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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