I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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