she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
