Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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