tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
