girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
