So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
