Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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