what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
