Yo dont text me then not text me
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
