No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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