Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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