He had one of those small greek statue penises
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
