when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize