why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
