Pappa wants mamma naked
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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