My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
