is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
