My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
