A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
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