We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
