she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
