fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
