I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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