I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize