We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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