A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
