You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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