So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
