it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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